Shortchanged?
Posted on November 9, 2007
Today, I bought Mee Jawa from the usual hawker Jie-jie. I call her Jie-jie, because to me, she always looked like she was my age. I mean, she was kinda goofy..and I really liked her. She looked at me, and my bulging tummy and said, “I didn’t realise you were pregnant!”.
Actually, many people I’ve met recently don’t realise I am pregnant. They must think I’m really fat… or they’re seriously blind.
Anyway, she was also surprised to that it was my third kid. She thought it was my second. Then it was my turn to be surprised. She told me that she also had three kids and her oldest was 20. About to get married.
Oopsssssss!
She looked damn young. I swear, she only looked early 30s. She really really looked young. Her face was DEVOID of lines. NO LINES. Her face was so smooth. Must be the proximity to all that oil, while frying those lovely crunchy high in cholesterol extras that come with Mee Jawa.
Anyway, back to my title - shortchanged. No, she didn’t shortchange me. But she somehow made me think about my pyjama party and the dilemma my friend was in.
Here’s the thing, I was in her position before. I used to wonder why the woman had to be the one who takes care of the family. Is it automatic? I’m pretty sure that there are many males who immediately take time off when their kid is sick. But, mostly, I find it’s the woman. I find it’s the woman who puts the kids to sleep, who cooks (or at least worries about what the kids should eat), who does the laundry, who basically takes care of the household.
Granted if you are a Stay-At-Home Mum..that’s your job designation. No matter how you try to get your husband to help out by nagging the shit out of him, you’ll find most of the time, you’re the one doing it.
I often wondered, why is it that the woman is the one who feels obligated to take time off from work to get the kids or take care of the elderly. Is this part of the so-called maternal instinct?
Mr.T and I used to argue about this alot. And I actually mean, domestic violence type of argue. There seemed no solution to it somehow. It didn’t seem fair that I was the one constantly worrying about the kids. It didn’t seem fair to him, that he was the one constantly worrying where he would get enough dough to support us (for the long term).
Then, as time passed on, these arguments got less and less. I’ve sort of resign to the fact that life won’t stop for me, I know I will have my life back again once the kids are more independent.
Which brings me back to the Mee Jawa Jie-jie… look at her. She looks so damn young and she has her freedom. And..I gotta say, she looks damn happy man. I’ve seen her flirting with men…she’s quite pretty.
So… I think we all shouldn’t think that we would be stuck in that mundane rut, giving up our happening lives for a daily routine. That goes for men too.
A marriage does have its’ hard times..especially when each party thinks they’re doing more than the other. A marriage does have its’ lulls…. especially, when there’s zero sex.
But..there will come a time, where a sprinkling of happiness can happen .. and impulse will take over. That’s my take on marriage - Good, bad, horrible, happy.. real rojak. Just got to keep being sticky..and work it out. Don’t add water.
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Can I answer this with a post? Will write tomorrow, can?